My American Dream
About thirteen years ago, I awoke, on a rare sunny Galway morning, with the memory of a great dream playing through my cerebral cinema. It was one of those dreams that keeps you in a fabulous mood all day, and even all these years later, is as vivid today as it was on that morning. It was around the time that the idea of moving to the U.S. was gaining some traction in my mind. I was living with my girlfriend, Clair, and both of us thought it might be fun to try the U.S. for a spell. To any of our friends this must have seemed idiotic as we were already growing apart, we just didn't know it yet. Or at least I didn't. She was always faster on the uptake than I was and the idea of changing venue was a short-acting salve on a crumbling relationship.
The dream was a simple one: it's early morning and I'm on a bike, a nice road bike, smooth and fast, and I am cycling along a flat road with no other traffic. Although I am cruising at a good clip, I'm not in a hurry. There is nowhere I have to be. I know the Pacific Ocean is on my right. I know it's there even though I can't see it. It's obscured by sand dunes and high grass. On my left is an industrial tableau of short, squat, one storied buildings, but it's more interesting than ugly. The weather is perfect, pristine blue skies, warm but not humid. I am intensely happy, that unusual elevated sense of well being where the world is perfect and everything is as it should be.
I awoke convinced that the dream was a message that the idea of moving to the U.S. was the right thing to do. I am a pretty logical person and not normally susceptible to such flights of fancy, but this felt so right. But the idea of moving to California had never really occured to me, I had never even been there so it was strange that I knew I was in California in the dream. Over the next year while my green card was in process, Clair and I inevitably split up. We both knew it was for the best, our relationship was played out, and although it had been wonderful for four years, it was making us miserable. I still felt, though, like my anchor had been cut. I alternated between wanting to stay and go, but I knew if I left, I was going to California, specifically to San Francisco. Eventually things fell into place. My friend Conor also got a green card, and another friend was getting married in Rhode Island, so we decided to stay after the wedding. On top of that, it turned out an American friend had moved to San Francisco and needed two roommates. The fates were in motion.
One of the first things I did when I arrived was to visit Ocean Beach and marvel at the size of the surf. I immediately noticed that on the south end of the beach, the beach is hidden by sand dunes and high grass, and the buildings on the left, although residential as opposed industrial, resembled my dreamscape.
This is on my mind because, well, life is good. My tiny new son is angelic, my two other kids, while little toddler monsters sometimes, are cute, curious, smart, and affectionate. And having a wonderful wife doesn't hurt either. I may not have become a famous rockstar, but I really can't complain and my album may actually be finished soon (watch for a post). We are very aware that although this is an intense time of life, we'll be wistful for the times when our little kids craved being around their parents, so we're doing our best to enjoy it while we can.
The Irish in me rails against admitting good fortune. Our DNA has been changed by centuries of oppression that taught us not to enjoy any riches we might have because they will be taken away. Natasha has often chided my response when someone asks, "How are things ?" and I never fail to respond, "Not too bad." "Why can't you just answer that things are good?" she says.
I just bought a new road bike; my old one is ancient and heavy. The new one is a nineteen pound carbon fibre beauty. Everytime I ride it, I relive the dream. That's a pretty good deal.
The dream was a simple one: it's early morning and I'm on a bike, a nice road bike, smooth and fast, and I am cycling along a flat road with no other traffic. Although I am cruising at a good clip, I'm not in a hurry. There is nowhere I have to be. I know the Pacific Ocean is on my right. I know it's there even though I can't see it. It's obscured by sand dunes and high grass. On my left is an industrial tableau of short, squat, one storied buildings, but it's more interesting than ugly. The weather is perfect, pristine blue skies, warm but not humid. I am intensely happy, that unusual elevated sense of well being where the world is perfect and everything is as it should be.
I awoke convinced that the dream was a message that the idea of moving to the U.S. was the right thing to do. I am a pretty logical person and not normally susceptible to such flights of fancy, but this felt so right. But the idea of moving to California had never really occured to me, I had never even been there so it was strange that I knew I was in California in the dream. Over the next year while my green card was in process, Clair and I inevitably split up. We both knew it was for the best, our relationship was played out, and although it had been wonderful for four years, it was making us miserable. I still felt, though, like my anchor had been cut. I alternated between wanting to stay and go, but I knew if I left, I was going to California, specifically to San Francisco. Eventually things fell into place. My friend Conor also got a green card, and another friend was getting married in Rhode Island, so we decided to stay after the wedding. On top of that, it turned out an American friend had moved to San Francisco and needed two roommates. The fates were in motion.
One of the first things I did when I arrived was to visit Ocean Beach and marvel at the size of the surf. I immediately noticed that on the south end of the beach, the beach is hidden by sand dunes and high grass, and the buildings on the left, although residential as opposed industrial, resembled my dreamscape.
This is on my mind because, well, life is good. My tiny new son is angelic, my two other kids, while little toddler monsters sometimes, are cute, curious, smart, and affectionate. And having a wonderful wife doesn't hurt either. I may not have become a famous rockstar, but I really can't complain and my album may actually be finished soon (watch for a post). We are very aware that although this is an intense time of life, we'll be wistful for the times when our little kids craved being around their parents, so we're doing our best to enjoy it while we can.
The Irish in me rails against admitting good fortune. Our DNA has been changed by centuries of oppression that taught us not to enjoy any riches we might have because they will be taken away. Natasha has often chided my response when someone asks, "How are things ?" and I never fail to respond, "Not too bad." "Why can't you just answer that things are good?" she says.
I just bought a new road bike; my old one is ancient and heavy. The new one is a nineteen pound carbon fibre beauty. Everytime I ride it, I relive the dream. That's a pretty good deal.
posted by John Mc at 3:14 PM
6 Comments:
Belated congrats on the new addition to your family John.
I don't think many Irish think of moving to America anymore. It's lost quite a lot of allure. I'd be so much more likely to move to another European country first - much closer to home (can pop back on weekends) and I'd live with other Europeans who are quite like me. The States, even San Francisco, just seem too alien. Dervala & yourself seem assimilated into a pretty foreign culture.
Thanks for your congrats!
Your comment is interesting to me. It's something I have thought a lot about. I find the opposite, in fact I am firmly convinced that Irish people, whatever the conveniences of Europe geographically), are far more like Americans than Europeans in temperment and outlook. Compared to other Europeans in the US the Irish seem more likely to be entrepenuerial, more like their Asian counterparts. We also share Americans dislike of rules, and are very good at twisting them to our own ends.
Also when I go home, it really strikes me how alike Ireland and the US are economically, both have a much more free, (or free for all), economic system than most Euro countires. Sure, isn't the EU always telling ireland that the economy is going to overheat while trying to figure out how it is so successful.
I have spend a lot of time in Europe over the years, and although I love it, I think Europeans are far different to the Irish. That said I never really lived and worked their as an adult.
Another thing worth noting, is that we live in California which is REALLY different from the rest of the US. Many people who find the rest of the states Alien find Cali welcoming. More than anywhere it's a place created by immigrants.
Well I've never been in America but I have lived on the continent for a year. Maybe its just me but I definitely feel closer to other Europeans. The Irish attitudes to religion these days are definitely more European than American. Ditto with global outlook (climate change, the Middle East, death penalty, gun laws, etc.) There's a reason why countries are queing up to join the EU while so many more are lining up to denounce America.
I've yet to meet a fellow European who I can't make instant common cause with by complaining about Americans!
I have a British-born friend serving in the American military. Its been pretty disturbing how he's changed from familiar scepticism to unquestioning patriotism over the years. You don't come across that sort of naked patriotism in Western Europe very much.
You say "Europeans are far different to the Irish" - but we are European! For me, the Irish are really like the Finnish or the Greeks in many ways. And visiting another European country doesn't feel foreign to me.
I'd never over-generalise but I can't imagine feeling comfortable living in America, even California! I'm sure you're happy with your choice though.
Note: I haven't an entrepenuerial bone in my body!
I guess its all down to what you are used to. One thing though, you don't find the religious, death penalty types as much on the East Coast or in California. Also in general I find Americans less elitist, less cynical and more accommodating than Europeans – in general. That said the U.S is such a huge place, you can't really generalise about 300 million people. Even California alone is massive. There are huge differences within California alone. San Franciscans are very different from Los Angelinos, and there is little comparison between either city and the Central Valley, (a huge farming area).
Also remember, despite the Bush years, the US has done more legally to prevent global warming that the EU. The problem is the Bush attempts at rollback, despite popular opinion. Clean air laws are very popular and many of the states sued the federal government when the feds tried to repeal them. I believer that California has much stricter emission laws than anywhere in Europe, the same applies in many states. Never confuse the current administration with the country, and remember each state has its own laws and government, and a large degree of autonomy.
I find that there are many legitimate grievances regarding the US. There always will be when power is so centralised in one country. However when I go home, the mainstream seem to have bought into the more conspiracy based left wing, (the no blood for oil wing), stuff than the real facts. I find this disturbing and shallow (I personally am very liberal socially and environmentally, (legal drugs, abortion, separation of church and state, no capital punishment, gay marriage etc), but more conservative fiscally, low tax, total privatisation, (outside of healthcare and education), low government interference. I used to think my views would be in line with many of my Irish peers. But lately, (since the Iraq war), I find when I go home it's not about individual issues it’s more about being against the US, again a confusion of the current leadership with the American people. People seem to accept certain ideas this as truth with very little personal research or reading.
Europe is stuck. The countries that have embraced globalisation and free trade, like Ireland, Britain, and the US have been successful. The rest seem to resent that, but have no leadership, and can't late go of their stifling statist support system. There has been a reversal; ten years ago the average American on the street seemed clueless about the rest of the world and what was going. That has changed, not much but it is better. The Europeans I meet seem to have all drank from the same trough and never questioned it. The future is going to be interesting.
I actually really like our European cynicism. It's suitably world-weary and realistic. It's this naive American enthusiasm that cracks me up.
I'm not sure how representative California is of anywhere!
Well, I think our difference of opinion can only be resolved by a knife fight to the death. It'll have to be in California - we're really trying to keep our murder rate down around here at the moment.
I all Californian now, I only do sneaky drive bys.
I'll buy ya a pint at Christmas - but then I'd know who you are!
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