Noses, Violins, and Surgery

“In the town of Cremona, in Italy,” Dr. Shindler began, “lived a violin maker, called Antonio Stradivar. His violins are widely recognised as the best ever made.”

I knew all this but I didn’t want to be rude, so I kept my mouth shut.

“Despite all of the capabilities of modern science,” he continued, “we still don’t know exactly what makes these violins so good. Some think it was the varnish, some the glue, some the building techniques, and one of the newer theories is that he was using wood that had gone through a mini-ice age and had tighter grain, meaning denser wood, leading to a sweeter tone.”

This last piece of information was new to me, and I was duly fascinated. I filed it away in the part of my brain (read: all of my brain), which stores useless trivia. I figured I could drag it out when my friend David and I have one of our uber geeky musician chats (although he probably knows this already.) However, I wasn’t in the doctor’s office for a lesson on the science of violin making. I was here about my nose, an endless source of irritation to me. These are not aesthetic problems. My nose is long and thin, a little French, courtesy of some Norman genes from the Reales - my mother's side. I quite like it and it suits my face, so no rhinoplasty for me. It’s the internal plumbing that’s the problem. Between blockages, post nasal drips, infections, and sore throats I am driven demented by it. THIS I get from my father's side (cheers Dad!). All the McD’s have nasal issues, and I am not the first to consider a surgical solution. In my case it had been prompted by a sudden onset of allergies on the arrival of spring. Up to a few years ago I'd never had allergies , but for the last three years as soon as March rolls around, my eyes start to drip and I need a vise grips to open up my nostrils. I invariably get an infection, and a rash of sore throats. But, beside the discomfort, it's totally screwed up two recording schedules.

“What I am getting at,” the good doctor explained sagely, “is that despite our advances there are still some mysteries out there. Although we know how the human voice makes sound, we don’t know exactly what makes a particular voice pleasing to the ear, so any surgery could potentially affect your singing voice, negatively or positively.”

Dr. Schindler is an ear, nose, and throat specialist, and I was in his office discussing some surgical procedures that might relieve my nasal problems. I have a deviated septum (sliotar straight into my nose, back in the day), so straightening that would help relieve the blockage and shaving cartilage on my turbinates would help. The mini-Stradivar lesson was prompted when I mentioned that I sing. There is no comparison between the quality of my singing voice and a Stradivarius, but what little ability I have came from a few years of lessons and hard work, and I don’t particularly want to lose it. BUT, I do want some nasal relief. Also, I know from listening to recordings of my voice that there is a nasal rumble caused by a constantly semi-blocked nose. The learned doc’s final recommendation was that if I had to have surgery, I should shave the turbinates first and see if that provides relief, but first I should buy some Afrin, an over the counter nasal decongestant which would have the same effect, albeit temporary, as the surgery, and test my singing before and after. So far I can’t hear any difference, but to make sure I am going to record myself and check.